The boys have a baking competition - who will impress the judges?
“Three minutes boys,” called Grandma Tracy. “Plate ‘em up!”
John stepped away from his towering dessert, eyeing it critically as he searched for weak spots in its construction.
“Come on, come on,” muttered Gordon, unable to stop himself from opening the oven and checking the half-baked batter as though the last thirty seconds had been enough to save his brownies.
Virgil serenely drizzled his homemade berry compote with a fork, while Scott frantically searched for the sprinkles that Alan was blatantly eating out of the packet.
“Two minutes!”
“Give me those,” said Scott, snatching the sprinkles from Alan and upending them over his cupcakes.
Gordon swore as he dumped the brown, gooey mess onto three paper plates and desperately tried to mould it into an abstract sculpture of… something.
Virgil sidestepped Scott and placed his cheesecake on the table, wandering over to sit next to Kayo.
“One minute!”
Kayo whooped from the couch as Lady Penelope and Brains high-fived and began yelling out a countdown.
Scott slammed his tray down on the table and sprinkles flew everywhere, coating Virgil’s cheesecake.
“Hey,” called out Virgil indignantly, leaping to his feet.
“Sorry,” said Scott, attempting to pick the wayward sprinkles out of Virgil’s masterpiece.
“Get your fingers out of my food!”
“THIRTY SECONDS!”
John carefully lifted up his macaron tower to slowly pick his way over to the presentation table, when Gordon slammed into him from behind.
The dessert went up, John went down, and Brains broke off his countdown as he inhaled sharply and winced watching the carefully arranged macarons get crushed.
“Er,” said Gordon, looking down at an irate John, “my bad.”
John didn’t respond, opting instead to kick out at Gordon’s legs. Gordon jumped back and without a second glance, scrambled over to plonk his tray on the table.
“John, Alan, ten seconds!”
There was no need for care any longer, so John lifted up the remains of the tower and hurriedly scooped what fallen macarons he could back onto the plate and dumped the whole lot on the table. Alan, who had moved on to eating the remaining batter from Gordon’s mixing bowl, licked his fingers and then sauntered over to the table as the group yelled out the final seconds on the clock.
Reaching deep into his pocket, Alan withdrew a shiny foiled package and placed it on the table with a grin.
At once a cry of protest, intermingling with a shriek of “ZERO!!” from the delighted audience, went up from the sunken couch.
“That’s got to be a disqualification,” said Scott, gesturing wildly towards the table. “This is a baking contest, Grandma!”
“Let me confer with the appointed arbiter for the Fourth Annual Great Tracy Bake-Off,” she said gravely.
Together, she and Parker huddled and spoke in hushed voices as the elder brothers threw cushions at the youngest, his self-satisfied grin never slipping.
“It is my ‘onest h’opinion, that young Alan Tracy h’is not to be disqualified for ‘is h’actions today,” announced Parker, to resounding boos from all corners of the room. “An h’unconventional solution, to be sure, but a solution h’all the same.”
“And now the judges will confer,” announced Grandma Tracy. “Kayo, Lady Penelope, Brains, if you would.”
The three stood up together and move to the presentation table.
“I would like to try the slop first,” said Kayo solemnly. Grandma Tracy dutifully handed out Gordon’s creation and the three examined it carefully.
“It is ed-d-dible, right?” said Brains doubtfully.
“It reminds me of the Kenar fountain in Chicago,” said Lady Penelope, biting her lip.
“See, Lady P thinks it’s like some classy fountain,” said Gordon, grinning broadly at his brothers. “In the bag!”
“Lady P is biased,” muttered John, still smarting from Gordon’s destruction of his entry.
“Oh no Gordon,” said Lady Penelope, trying to hold in her giggles. “I’m afraid I’m referring to the, ah, Shit Fountain.”
Gordon’s jaw dropped and his brothers collapsed in laughter around him.
“Better luck next time,” said Virgil, thumping his shoulder solidly.
“Alright so the presentation is a bit crap,” said Gordon, trying to drown out the choked laughter around him. “But there’s still the taste test.”
“It’s not even baked,” said Scott scornfully.
“He is right,” said Grandma Tracy. “Bottoms up.”
The judges grimaced at each other and swallowed.
“The taste is not the absolute worst,” said Kayo, gritting her teeth.
“I should have to chew,” said Brains with a shudder. He raised his spoon and pointed it at Gordon. “D-d-do you hear me Gordon, I should have to chew!”
Lady Penelope sipped at her tea. “The less we say about that the better, I believe. Shall we move on to the scores?”
“I wouldn’t feed it to a dog but then, they are allergic to chocolate. 5/10.”
“Texture is an imp-imp… it’s significant for any dish. 3/10.”
“The whole event can be summed up as a terrible mistake, Gordon. I can give you the name of a good baker should the need arise. 4/10.”
“That’s not the only need that could arise,” said Gordon, waggling his eyebrows. “At least, if you were willing to make an improvement on that score?”
“Eurgh, gross,” complained Alan.
“Classy, Gordon, just classy,” said Scott looking mildly disgusted.
“L-let’s try Scott’s invention,” said Brains, looking like he wished he could evaporate on the spot.
“Yes, let’s,” said Lady Penelope, quickly lifting her plate to eye level. It didn’t quite cover the pink in her cheeks, despite the sprinkles being piled so high that you couldn’t see the cupcake underneath.
“First off, the presentation. It looks like a candy mountain,” said Kayo. “I love it.”
“I’m concerned that the sprinkle to cupcake ratio has been c-c-compromised,” said Brains. “What motivated this choice, if I mmmay ask?”
“Little brothers and a time squeeze,” said Scott promptly. “Also, the aesthetic really did appeal.”
Lady Penelope delicately extracted the cupcake from underneath the rainbow mound and bit into it.
“The peppermint essence in the icing is a wonderful touch,” she said, a smidge of white fluff and sprinkles still on her lips.
“I agree,” said Kayo. She’d scarfed down the cupcake in an impressive two mouthfuls and was determined to eat every sprinkle that remained on her plate. “This is a dessert that just keeps giving, 10/10.”
“I prefer not to excavate my food,” said Brains. “B-but it is tasty! 7/10.”
“Sophisticated flavour for adults, a delightful mess for children. 8.5/10”
“Ha! The one to beat,” said Scott, reaching out to punch his brother on the arm. “Chew on that Gordon!”
“Next up, Virgil! Beautiful looking cheesecake there!” said Kayo, grabbing her plate excitedly.
“Yes, it does look rather divine,” said Lady Penelope. “I must admit, I’ve been looking forward to this.”
“Thank you, thank you all,” said Virgil, grinning broadly around the room and waving. “I did work hard on making sure the presentation was spot on.”
“Well, shall we see if it lives up to its f-f-first impression?”
There was a short silence as the three enthusiastically spooned cheesecake into their mouths.
“Oh d-d-dear,” said Brains quietly, looking distastefully down at the plate.
Lady Penelope pursed her lips together while Kayo delicately pushed the cheesecake out of her mouth with her tongue.
“Virgil,” began Lady Penelope, “that was, well, quite awful.”
“How can food look so good and taste so terrible is what I want to know,” mumbled Kayo around a mouthful of napkin as she tried to wipe traces of cheesecake of her taste buds.
“How bad can it be?” asked Gordon, nabbing the plate from Lady Penelope. He ate some of the cheesecake for himself and then pulled a face. “Okay, yeah, that’s bad.”
Virgil looked utterly crestfallen as Gordon sympathetically thumped his shoulder.
“Exactly,” said Lady Penelope. “So bad in fact, you’re getting a 4/10.”
“What?” said Gordon. “That’s what you gave me!”
“The berry compote tasted like a berry compote. There’s points in it for that.”
“3/10,” coughed Kayo. “No explanation.”
“You’re generous,” said Brains disbelievingly. “I can’t award m-m-more than 1/10.”
“Presentation has to be worth more than that,” protested Virgil.
“Food is for eating, not l-looking prrretty.” Brains’ voice was firm and so Virgil didn’t argue, just muttered away to himself.
“Time for Alan’s creation,” said Kayo, ripping the foiled packet open and sharing around the Oreos amidst boos from the four older brothers.
“It’s dry,” said Lady Penelope, shaking her head sorrowfully.
“How could you forget the m-most important ingredient…. M-milk!” Brains looked genuinely disappointed in Alan and he squirmed a little in his seat. “4/10.”
“He’s right,” said Kayo. “This particular treat is well designed, but a little more forethought could have had this in the bag. As it stands? Only a 6/10, I’m sorry Alan.”
“Poor planning, but very addictive,” said Lady Penelope. “Pass me another, Kayo?”
Kayo threw her the packet and Lady Penelope grabbed another biscuit with a grin.
“You made me really want this,” she said, munching away happily. “So, I would be remiss in giving you any less that a 9/10.”
Alan saluted her with a wide grin and was once again pelted by cushions.
“Next up is John,” announced Lady Penelope, licking her fingers. “Presentation is a bit lacklustre, I’m afraid John.”
“I feel like I should be allowed to steal points from Gordon for that,” said John, glaring at the back of his brother’s head.
“Hey, I’ve got the least points so far,” complained Gordon.
“I’ll allow it,” said Kayo with a shrug. “John can steal 3 points from Gordon? What do you lot reckon?”
Brains and Lady Penelope nodded their agreement.
“Gordon, you’re now on nine points.”
“Kick a man while he’s down, Kayo,” said Gordon, pulling a face at her while John fist pumped behind him.
“Well then, l-let’s move on to the taste test,” said Brains, with twinkling eyes. “I think we all can agree the sabotage of the presentation was unfortunate.”
“It was an accident!” exclaimed Gordon, throwing his hands into the air. “You believe me, don’t you, John?”
“Not on your life.”
“Are they different flavours, John?” asked Lady Penelope, examining the three different colours of macarons on her plate. Kayo was enthusiastically sprinkling the sorry remains of the crushed tower onto her intact treats.
“Yes, they are,” he said proudly. “Lemon, raspberry, and orange.”
“This is orange flavoured,” said Brains, looking down at the yellow treat in confusion.
Lady Penelope picked up the pink meringue and bit into it. “Mine’s lemon.”
They both looked over at Kayo expectantly.
“I had bits of all of them,” she said with a laugh. “No problems here.”
“I’m at a bit of a loss,” said Lady Penelope. “On the one hand, these are delicious. On the other, you’ve devastated the presentation and utterly confused my senses.”
“For that alone, you deserve an 8/10,” said Brains with a laugh.
“8/10 for me too,” said Kayo. “My fingers are all sticky now and I’m not a fan.”
“I quite agree,” said Lady Penelope. “8/10.”
“So, plus the extra three gives me twenty-seven points?” asks John. “I can live with that.”
“I can live with that,” mocked Gordon. “What did you even need the extra three points for?”
“To get in front of Scott,” said John with a shrug.
“Yeah, thanks for that Kayo,” grumbled Scott.
“Anytime Scott,” said Kayo, cheerfully. “I believe that makes John our winner for the year! Over to the Master of Ceremonies, Grandma if you would.”
Grandma Tracy stood solemnly. “It is my great pleasure to announce John Glenn Tracy as the champion of the Fourth Annual Great Tracy Bake Off. Join me up here, would you John?”
John unfolded himself from the couch he was sitting on and stood next to Grandma Tracy with an amused look.
“Your prize is that you won’t have to be on dishes for the next year,”
“I don’t live here Grandma.”
“You get a framed copy of Grandma’s famous Choc Chunk Cookie recipe.”
“Where will I put that?”
“And,” she said, ignoring him, “you get the privilege of cooking us dinner once a month until the next Bake-Off event.”
“Once again, I don’t live here.”
“Then you’ll just have to come home more often,” she said, patting him on the cheek.
John was silent for a moment. “I’ve been tricked, haven’t I?”
The family burst into laughter.
“It’ll be good to see you more often, Johnny boy,” said Scott with a grin. “No more hiding away on that space station.”
John just groaned.
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